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Lads, I’m wrecked.
It's been a busy couple of months. My head is busy, work is busy, socially things are getting much busier and I feel like I need to almost always be busy to have had a "good" day. I'm very tired.
I don’t mean tired in the “I need more sleep because I've been at it all day and this kid is screaming bloody murder in my apartment block at 2 am and then 4 am keeping my stupid ass awake for hours” sense, although the early morning tantrum toddler doesn’t help. I'm more mentally wrecked and this, therefore, manifests it in a physical tiredness of sorts, a slump.
My “The Head Plan” journal (great journal by the way) has “To Do's” in it like:
Get 12,000 steps today (and feel bad about it if you don’t),
Use the gym at lunch,
See this person for a walk,
Clean out those clothes sitting at the back of my wardrobe,
Sort out my finances,
and other remedial tasks.
I found myself at the end of last week having written all of these "to-dos" (albeit they were with good intentions) and leaving most unchecked. As the week went on and more went unfinished (or un-started to be honest, I felt more tired and slumpy. For example, I haven’t written anything in a while (if you even noticed).
Mind, I was getting my steps and doing my gym, but then coming back to my desk for work and life admin with a mental fog much less alertness than usual. I'd started having more than my one coffee a day for a boost (didn’t work lol) and my focus was just all over the gaff. I would take a coffee break at 3pm and my flatmate would find me lying face down on my bed knackered, with 8+ hours of sleep under my belt and caffeine pulsing through my veins. (It’s the dramatics for me).
On Friday, I went to a boxing class (which I reaaalllly didn’t want to) with my friend and although the class was great (as exercise usually is, especially when you CBA), my focus was still haywire and I slipped up. I wasn’t concentrating and my wrist went a way that it’s not meant to go. Big ouch.
I know this is because my head was foggy, and I wasn’t paying my usual attention and I messed up. Happens. This isn’t the point.
Tired, now in physical pain and low key over it, I decided to take my weekend for myself and do little to nothing, “plans with others” wise. I went home on Saturday and hung out with my Mum watching some shit about Jeremy Clarkson’s farm (actually kind of gas) and decided to go down to my Dad in Mayo where he's chilling out with our dogs, in a house we have there.
So here I am, in Mayo, doing sweet fuck all but working away during the day and going to the beach afterwards to run the dogs around. When the weather doesn’t suit and the rains out (96% of the time), lazing for the evenings watching shitty movies with my dad. Completely disregarding my Fitbit steps, getting away from feeling like “I'm in Dublin and I should be out and about attending all these bookings like people I see on Instagram”, and doing nothing.
And it's been bloody great.
I needed to take a beat. Take a break. Not feel like I need to be “on” all the time (and not feeling the guilt when you feel “off”) and physically remove myself from the space where I felt like that. I'm hardly in the sticks or anything but I am removed in a sense, and it’s been a godsend. Doing “nothing” has enabled me to refresh and do more. My focus and sleep quality (even with getting the same amount of sleep on average as back home) have improved. I feel better.
I appreciate that I am very lucky to be able to physically remove myself from the pressure and busy-ness I felt. I have a newfound appreciation for doing little as a way to relax rather than a feeling of a “wasted day” that I will bring back home with me. I highly recommend just doing “nothing” bar the things you really enjoy, one day you can. It can really be liberating. Take it easy, grab a coffee, sit outside, go for a wander and chill out. No need to be at all the dinners and all the drinks all the weekends if you're just dead all week.
Take a beat if you need it.
I did.
Links:
The Head Plan Journal - here
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